Saturday, October 13, 2012

An update..

Hello, everyone. :)

Boy, do I miss writing to y'all. I hope you have had a wonderful week. I also hope you have been continuing your own journeys to health and wellness.

The first week or so of college I was doing so well with my vegan lifestyle.. but I was wrong about one thing... Being vegan in college is not easy. I was feeling deprived of those ice cream cones and was starting to get frustrated that I couldn't be a part of it. Well, emotions and frustrations built up to the breaking point:
I was at a party and there was cake and there were these Cuban spinach phyllo triangles that are OUT OF THIS WORLD delicious... but they are not vegan. Well, that day, I had something happen to me that many of you may relate to perhaps... I threw my hands up in the air and thought to myself, "you know what?? I don't care anymore. I'm just gonna learn how to eat food in moderation. Why did I even become a vegan anyway??? It's embarrassing when people tell you what does and doesn't have milk or cheese in it!" And I ate two cake pops and a spinach phyllo. And for that moment, I was happy... But from that point forward, things have been very hard for me - I feel like I've lost my identity. And, in truth, I had the wrong identity to begin with - sure, some say you are what you eat, but I believe you are who you want to be. I also have realized that labels can be dangerous. Lately, when someone has asked why I'm eating that cookie when it just may have an egg in it, I tell them that I'm not as strict of a vegan and like to eat things in moderation - but in reality, I'm struggling inside trying to decide if I'm vegan or not. I'm wondering why I decided in the first place to be a vegan...
What I'm trying to say is this: This time of my life is amazing for me, but it is also quite tough for me - I'm discovering who I am - piece by piece, day by day. Not just for my diet, but for my personality, religion, values, and ideas.. I don't want to be a stumbling block for anyone who has looked up to me for being such a "devoted vegan" or perhaps even a "wellness warrior".

I am coming to realize that in this point in time, I have no label defining what I eat or do not eat - I am simply under construction. And so is this website, perhaps...

I would like to ask that you pray for me, and encourage me. And forgive me - for I feel ashamed that I fell.

Much love,

~ Natalyn